On Failure
Failure is what I'm best at, and I keep getting better from it.
Here’s how 200 meters separated me from success and failure.
A couple months ago my teammate, Drew Hunter, confirmed his spot in Sound Running’s “The Ten,” a highly anticipated 10,000 meter track event in San Juan Capistrano, California. The meet has become home to one of the largest and most sought after elite 10,000 meter track races in the world. It has facilitated countless national records and world championship qualifying performances, and this year was to be no different.
Upon Drew’s confirmation, I reached out to my agent, Matt, asking if anyone was lined up to pace either of the two races set: one being the “Tokyo 10,000”, signaling rabbit duties towards the 27:00.00 standard for the Track & Field World Championships to take place this September in Tokyo, Japan, and a second heat paced for 27:45.00, the USA Outdoor Track & Field Championship standard. Matt tells me they need a rabbit for the Tokyo race, coming through 5,000 meters in 13:30. Naturally, I accepted the challenge.
When it comes to rabbiting a race, typically meet directors carefully choose athletes that have shown capability of running their assignment, usually through a recent result that’s faster than the required pace job. For example, in 2022 I ran 7:47 for 3000 meters at an early season indoor meet. Shortly after, Boston University recruited me to pace a 13:05 5k; the assignment was to lead the field through 3000 meters in 7:56. Easy to tell the job could be done. This 10k was a little different.
My current personal best in the 5000 is 13:38, from 2023. It would be easy to rattle off every excuse in the book why it’s not faster but, as the typical cliche goes, I’m better than that. I know a 13:20-13:25 is in my wheelhouse and all my training leading up to this point in 2025 indicates my ability to run just under 13:20. This is not my first pacing job for this meet director, and it’s easy to think his trust has been earned through those races. To accept the 13:30 pace job when my PB is 13:38 was a little crazy on my part but it was easy to convince myself that the task didn’t need a heroic effort to complete.
Let me spoil the ending for you. I wasn’t up to the task, and I failed.
*Technically speaking
On Racing, Mentally
In 2024 and so far in 2025, the week leading up to a race has been met with little nerves. If anything, I’ve required a quick “psych myself up” effort ten minutes before the gun goes off. Even at last year’s Olympic Trials steeplechase final, despite it being objectively the highest stakes race I’ve ever run, there was a lack of nerves on the start line. I felt completely cool and collected. The reason behind this being molded through extensive mental training and work with my sports psychologist– leading to a point where there’s nothing but total solace in my abilities. In the Trials final, I was only going to run as fast as I was capable, and there was nothing else in my control beyond that. This rabbit job turned into the complete opposite.
Technically speaking, the task was something I had never done before; run a 5k in 13:30. However, the preparation was there and it was a task that wasn’t out of my wheelhouse. Frankly, there was more internal excitement about seeing how far past 5k I could go before stepping off. Once the flight to LA took off to start the whole weekend though, my mind was met with countless thoughts of doubt and what-ifs.
This newsletter was born as a way to be vulnerable about my situation and to grow from it, and it’s not worth sugarcoating how life is going. The last few weeks, and the past six months really, have been beyond stressful. I’m working with Matt on sponsorship and contracts, and multiple days ended last week with me questioning if there would be a light at the end of this tunnel. This is my first time in the pro contract environment and it’s pushed me out of my comfort zone, big time. Sleep was bad, diet was worse, and weird shit kept happening. My back even seized up on me, leaving any painless running in the hands of my PT, Sue (she’s a saint). Life felt volatile– it’s the antithesis of my entire key to success in running, and it threw me for a loop. It felt like there was nothing going right for me and it showed out on the track, internally for me at least.
As you’ve been told, my rabbit duties fell short; practically stumbling the last 50 meters to make it to three miles, leaving the beloved and newbie to the 10k, Graham Blanks, to tackle leading duties from there on out. Immediately, I apologized to Matt, and then to the meet director. Part of their jobs is living up to their word; for my agent, providing a pacer that gets the job done for the meet director, and for the meet director, delivering on his word to the coaches that their athletes will be set up for success, and ultimately solidifying the meet director’s abilities to deliver in future years to run a viable track meet. Technically speaking, that didn’t happen because of me. 200 meters…32 seconds, prevented me from thinking back on this experience with nothing but positivity.
This Guy’s Dramatic
Don’t get me wrong, this is dramatic. Neither my agent nor the meet director was upset with me at that performance. Two hundred meters wasn’t going to make or break the race, and the guys that were expected to run under the world championship standard did, and plenty more got close and ran personal bests. It was a great night of track racing. I’m sure if my name was in the hat to do it again next year, the job would be mine. But it’s important for me to realize what led to this shortcoming, rather than the result, and how next time will be better– that’s how I get better, and some reflection could resonate with someone else out there.
As mentioned, last week was what could only be described as volatile. My success, which can be signaled to my progression in the sport, is attributed to my consistency -mental and physical. When Joan Hunter took over as my coach, she advocated for only one thing for me: to slow down. Slow down my workout paces, slow down my mileage progressions, slow down my mental approach to racing. Let’s take it one small step at a time– these small steps compound into bigger steps, and the small wins start becoming marginally bigger over time. The small wins mentality overtook what were originally hopes for big breakthroughs. In the four years since Joan took over, my 3000 meter steeplechase time has improved from 8:44 to 8:20. A twenty four seconds drop in time after college in this event is insane, there’s no denying that. Every year now is less about how big of a breakthrough is possible, and more about what small tweaks need to be made in training to get marginally better over the days, weeks, and months that will stack on top of each other, to present what I refer to as a body of work.
Control
This mindset of slowing down led to the ability of accepting one crucial idea: control what you can control. In training, in racing, in life– there is only so much that is in our control, and the rest can only be things that require adjustments to stay in that line of thinking.
This past month ultimately consisted of leaning into things that were out of my control- forcing paces in workouts to reassure my abilities to complete this pacing job, letting thoughts of my life and career consume me, overall thinking too much of the “what ifs.”
What if I can’t make it to 5k?
What if I can’t even make it to 3k?
What if I feel really bad in the race? I felt really bad that one time at Oxy junior year of college…
What if my back seizes up again?
What if sponsors see this and won’t want to sponsor me?
What if I don’t find a sponsor even if I did made it to 5k?
What if I don’t get a sponsor and then I can’t get a job either?
It consumed me. Ultimately, it showed on race day. The job didn’t get done, and what was accomplished– pacing for three miles– felt like an imminent death march with every step. Every step was buying into feelings and mental spaces that were out of my control until it ultimately became my problem– that’s not the headspace you want to be in out on the track. Truly, if my headspace was in check, the doubts were left at home, and the concerns of what my life and running career look like were left off the track, I could’ve done it. It still would’ve been really frickin hard, but it was totally doable.
Positive Reflection is Important, Too
Failure leads to growth. Getting my ass kicked every workout and every race the past six years has molded me into the runner I am today. Failure has been traumatic, and it has been exhilarating. Using it as a way to create volatile feelings and emotions, is where I see young runners get in trouble. Looking at it more objectively– asking yourself how you become better from it, is the key to moving forward, and the key to finding the success you set yourself out to achieve. I think I’ve reflected enough on the negative aspects. So, in the spirit of growth, here are some positive things to take away from this weekend:
I ran under my PB 5k pace for three miles, over a mile of it leading. That’s something I’ve never done before, and it’s something to be optimistic about. A 13:20 5k race does not seem so intimidating now. I’m capable of competing.
I pushed myself to my absolute limit. The cool thing about wavelights is there’s no doubt about whether you’re maintaining pace or not. This also means there’s no slowing down, and my foot was on the gas leading from 3000 to 4800 meters. It felt as though my coach told me to run 64.8s until failure, and that’s basically what I did. A new experience of mental callusing.
Everyone I talked to after the race said it was a job well done, even the athletes in the race. It feels good knowing I contributed to their successes. We’re all in this together.
You can watch it here, and make the judgement for yourself:
There will be more race recaps as the season goes, and will serve as a nice break up of the marketing content I hope to provide, mainly for the sake of the people following me here as a runner. Even if you’re not a runner, there’s probably some kind of application that these words bring to other sports or aspects of life.
Thanks for your time and your support! Share with a friend if you feel inclined.
Joey
12:58.80 3 miler
Great story.